Friday, June 25, 2010

Love Your Daughter? Arrange Her Marriage.

I lifted this from Denmark Vesey's blog and changed it ever so slightly to suit my preferences....While I've been praying for Mini-Me's future husband since she was about 7, how I wish that I could choose\arrange her marriage. How great would that be?

Interested in handsome young black men born between 1988 and 1991, vaccine free raised on a diet of non-GMO food for the purposes of marriage in 2021. Must be from a bible believing (not just "church-going") Christian family with multi-generational relationships. Preferably the young man will have been raised with a good model of marriage and fatherhood. If he wasn't fortunate enough to have his father in his life on a daily basis, his mother will have done a good job nurturing and developing his masculinity and preparing him to lead a family. Prefer athletic outdoors types with an amiable personality not unfamiliar with the occasional fist fight. Developed tastes in art, literature and music preferably NOT Hip Hop. Well developed critical thinking and language skills are an absolute MUST. Lastly, Plantation Negros or black men who call themselves "African-American" will not be considered.

14 comments:

Linda said...

I've missed you, kiddo!

Conservative Black Woman said...

Linda!!!!! Hi!!!! I was a bit burned out, but I think I may be on the mend.

Keeping it light today...lol.

Linda said...

Well, you know, it's been a long time since UTS has chewed me out! Is he still around?

Anyway, I'm glad you are still around!

Anonymous said...

Regarding the mother of the boy: she needs to get OTHER MEN to mentor him thru churches or other events--only another man could teach a boy to love a woman if he doesn't get the 'mentor' he'll expect to be the next child. Also, I feel, i have to arrange MY daughers marriage since her sisters kept attracting loser type men--(this isnt a black only issue)i think my stepdaughters were too aggressive in the dating dept though. I told her that woman have to check the guy out before it goes further since WE GET PREGNANT AND HAVE TO RAISE THE KID TIL 18-

Anonymous said...

Regarding the mother of the boy: she needs to get OTHER MEN to mentor him thru churches or other events--only another man could teach a boy to love a woman if he doesn't get the 'mentor' he'll expect to be the next child. Also, I feel, i have to arrange MY daughers marriage since her sisters kept attracting loser type men--(this isnt a black only issue)i think my stepdaughters were too aggressive in the dating dept though. I told her that woman have to check the guy out before it goes further since WE GET PREGNANT AND HAVE TO RAISE THE KID TIL 18-

Charlotte said...

Great posting. She is blessed to have you for a mother.

missrook said...

poor child. From my experience that constant push of what YOU want, will result in her getting the exact opposite.

Conservative Black Woman said...

Sorry you feel that way Misrook. However, my charge as the steward of her sweet soul until adulthood is to be a parent (not a friend) which includes leadership, guidance, a reasonable expectation of success and prayer. So far, she hasn't failed me on any level.

For the record, I don't "Push" her. I love and encourage her. There is no reason to pity her as she is loved and blessed beyond measure.

Malcolm Kirkpatrick said...

Welcome back.

Perhaps school choice and college entrance serve for the purpose of arranged marriages in modern society.

Cheaper alternative: just inhabit the social circles into which you would have your child marry. Make friends with honest, hard-working, drug-free parents.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

You're sooo right Mr Kirkpatrick-I think she will have lots of friends that are parents that are christians, because parents who use drugs, pot, psych meds (that arent needed) etc. have kids that are 'walking germs' and sometimes FEAR is used (getting an STD) not just AIDS is scary enough--it worked for me--If anyone brings uo condoms again i wonder WHY DID THEY MADE THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL FOR! being sexually loose is not wise

MrsGrapevine said...

@CBW

You totally dismissed @Missrock comments. I don't think she was trying to offend your parenting, nor did she imply that you didn't love or nurture your daughter.

Her point is the list is too much, trying to arrange who your daughter falls in love with, undermines freedom. The more you push a type as a parent, and not as a friend, the more likely she may choose something different. I know this is in humor, and ideal, but not practical.

I think if you raise a child properly, you don't have to worry about lists. I think if you planted the seeds your children will have the ability to make great decisions. Sometimes they will fall off the path, but they should also have the necessary tools to find their way back to the path.

Absent in your list are qualities of fidelity, respect, unconditional love. Being raised with a good model of marriage, doesn't mean he will have those traits. Many of us have seen our parents marriages last, only to find ourselves headed toward the "D-word".

I would want my daughter to have a Christian man, too, but one who loves her as Christian man should. I wouldn't worry about his political background, let's be real conservative men can be abusive, too. I would want to know they he is hard-working and understands the value of providing for his family. When I'm gone, I'll have confidence that she's being taken care of emotionally, spiritually, and physically. All the other traits, she can worry about. Bottom line I don't care how he looks on paper, as much as I care how he really treats her when no one is around.

Conservative Black Woman said...

MrsGrapevine~

I think you and Misrook missed this part of my blog:

" I wish that I could choose\arrange her marriage. How great would that be?"

This was a musing about what I'd like to be able to choose for my daughter. Clearly, I can not make decisions for her.

Also, it goes without saying that my love for her is unconditional.

Jenny said...

I'm with Malcolm Kirkpatrick. Parents could do a lot more in environment and social control at a younger age. A large part of the problem I see is that childhood friendships and crushes aren't taken seriously with a longterm view.

At any rate, I'm glad that the recent arranged marriage and psuedo-arranged marriage fads really haven't caught on in the black community. I remember from my graduate research finding that newly-emancipated women valued their freedom to choose their own mates, rather than being forced and raped into a position of wife or mistress. That's a freedom we should continue to treasure.

But I can understand the feeling though. Freewill allows girls to make mistakes with serious consequences. Something obviously needs to be done to help them learn how to make more responsible choices. Conservative Black Woman, I hope you're planning on participating in the No Wedding, No Womb! initiative. I'd really like to read more from your perspective on what could be done.

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