My friends are really in complete denial!!! I want to make the point that I am not bashing black men because I feel that "Mini-me" should be open to the possibility of dating outside of our race. It's just that statistically the odds of "marriage" aren't good and this stupid-azz notion of "wifey" (definition: (n) a stature which is a above girlfriend, or one acknowledged as wife material yet still a single black woman) is becoming ever more prevalent and acceptible to these silly women (but I digress). I want to make the point that black men aren't completely to blame. Women, we need to stop being loosey-goosey with our "stuff" and keep our legs closed. We show people how to treat us and if we act like whores we will be treated no better than whores. Wait.... I hear it playing again in my head by the "legions of black women in denial" heretofore called BWID's "White women are loose too" to which I respond--"SO WHAT!!!! 70% OF WHITE WOMEN ARE NOT HAVING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK AND 70% OF WHITE WOMEN AREN'T SINGLE!!!!" Anyway, check out this clip....
So, there are good black men in the world!!! Yippee!!! Mini-me, listen to your Mommy...Don't limit yourself or you will be a part of the stats my Love.
20 comments:
BWID'S - I am LMBAO!!!! You are too damn funny woman. Keep the posts coming you are ruffling alot of feathers, but your honesty and naivety is refreshing. BWID's how do you come up with this stuff?
another thing... I am sure that you drive "mini-me" crazy.
Very interesting .. I saw that particular broadcast of Oprah's show and was somewhat surprised that "70% of Black Women are Single" ..
If I may add my 2 cents worth, I really feel we, as human beings, put a little too much emphasis on the color of skin .. It's ironic because I really believe the dilemna around dating, specifically interracial dating is based more on class that anything else. I think we just confuse class, culture, and one's upbringing with that particular person being black or white. If you've spent any time in the San Francisco Bay Area then you'll know exactly what I mean .. It's character, class, and culture that will be the deciding factors when choosing a mate. If anyone, Black or White, identifies with a mate based on skin color, that would be your first mistake. By the way, has anyone checked the divorce rate of interracial couples, it's running pretty close to the overall divorce rate .. I was in an interracial marriage .. key word being, WAS!
I agree with you 110% about the problems in the African-American community. There is always a excuse for our bad behavior as blak men. There is no respect for the black women in the African American Community. I am a black Conservative too and I am tired of hearing that G.W. Bush is our biggest problem. Finally, all the problems we have today are because of the Black Man and I am a Black man. If you would like to do a link exchange or would you like me to add your blog to my bloglist send me a e-mail. also check out my blog at www.herringpost.blogspot.com
CBW,
I forget the exact order (they probably vacillated), but as a little kid my adult employment goals were fire chief, cowboy or President. In Little League, I wanted to be Mickey Mantle; in high school Bob Cousy of the Celtics and in the 70's Jerry Garcia. I did not actually do the math, but even I knew the odds of becoming any of the three were pretty remote.
Currently, 76% of the NBA and 69% of the NFL is populated with black athletes. That leaves about 600 available spots on these rosters. The only white rapper I know is Eminem, so that profession is pretty full also with talented black performers. There may be as many as 10,000,000 black males under the age of 21. So, if you want to play pro ball or become a rapper/R&B performer, etc., your chances are roughly 1 in 16,650.
Growing up in a rowhouse in Baltimore city there a Chevy dealership about 7-8 blocks away. From an early age, I walked up there and eyeballed the new Corvettes. I wanted one. The older guys had starched blue button-down shirts and penny loafers, I just had to have those also. Eventually, I noticed the difference between boys and girls and...you get the gist.
In my opinion, young black males are unrealistic in the future career and personal aspirations. They don't even play high school sports and the street corner already had a dozen more talented singer/performers. The cars, the bling and the lifestyle of the 'street scene' becomes attractive. The way they view women in these settings is far from ideal. They see the women in their neighborhood get up early everyday, go to work, come home and go to work again. They can get "IT" when they want it and if the girl gets pregnant, she should have done something to prevent it..."not my fault, man". If they take the girl to work, they can use the car all day. A pretty decent paycheck appears every week (or two). Work?? "Sheeee-it, I can make minimum wage playing cards or pitching quarters"...
Enough. You know the facts. You read the blogs. The white devil is the cause of all of their problems. At least some people understand a small amount of black male personal responsibility will elevate the overall 'condition'. A decent amount will dramatically elevate it. A good amount brings a mortgage payment, a car payment, a loving black wife and some beautiful babies. Those babies grow up, take a little responsibility and....
I read about this segment on the Oprah show on another blog. I was glad to have a chance to watch this.
I will pick a husband from whoever is available. The key for me is who is a quality man. That determines who is available for me. Who do I have things in common with? This is my starting point, not the man's skin color.
I am not surprised that 70% of bw are single. Most single bw I know have a small percentage of bw friends that are married. Most are single with no kids like myself or are single moms that were never married or are divorced.
I was glad to hear this segment. Some bw that are told that their only option for romance are bm need to hear that their only option for romance should be a quality man. They come in all hues.
Oprah's use of this statitic is at best incomplete. Worse it can lead to distorted dangerous conclusions about what it actually means (i.e. black women are not desirable enough to be in relationships). I for one am very skeptical about wether or not this figure is true, especially since there was no reference to how this number was generated. Second, I'm sure many can think of many healthy cases of black love, so we must ask what does this 70% single black female number really mean.
Does "single" include people who live together or just non-married people. What about black men and women who claim each other as girlfriends and boyfriends. Are these people included in the statistic? Also, is she saying that 30% of black adults are married. Are 30% or more women from other ethnic groups married. Until these questions are answered any discussions about singleness (euphemism of lonliness) being a chronic problem for black adult females need to be put on hold. To speculate on this number we do not understand can foment a whole host of unecessary anxieties.
Marriage is way overrated. Been there done that. The statistics say that most new marriages will end in divorce (just ask Juanita Bynum). I would take those odds to Vegas, but I'm not willing to bet my life on them (again..LOL).
BTPS~Come on, marriage is a beautiful thing if it's done the right. Not that I know because it seems I can't seem to get it right but I'm going to keep doing it until I get it right...lol.
@CBW:
I am with BTPS on this, we are on the road to divorce and after this ride is over, I am considering becoming Catholic just so I can go to a monastery and stay away from women, white, black, purple or orange.
DJBA~", I am considering becoming Catholic just so I can go to a monastery and stay away from women, white, black, purple or orange"
lol...dang it can't be that bad!?! I guess it's different for men. But I hated being single! Haven't you heard that it's cheaper to keep her?
Wow, interesting that this blog post has new comments.
I do not know if the percentage is accurate but there are many bw that are not married. That is pretty evident. There are many reasons for that. The question is to find the ones that are unmarried but want to be married. Unfortunately many that want to marry are not open to checking out men from other races. Probably more would marry if they did so. That is what is happening more and more bw that have decided to take that opportunity.
Note: I will be leaving the ranks of being a sbw hopefully by year's end. I started dating a wonderful man from France that I have known for several years. We are making marriage plans, not just wedding day plans. Both of us have lived long enough to know to avoid the fantasy-land mentality. For me I am really glad I waited until now to marry. Marrying older definitely has its advantages other than if a couple wants children. We know what to discuss and options to consider before walking down the aisle.
Pam~You wrote~"I will be leaving the ranks of being a sbw hopefully by year's end. I started dating a wonderful man from France that I have known for several years. We are making marriage plans, not just wedding day plans"
Pam that's wonderful! Kudos to you for being open to the possibility of dating/marrying outside of your race. I sincerely believe that if more sbw would do that then they wouldn't have to "pretend" to prefer singleness. I do say pretend because I just don't buy it when I hear my single, saved, sanctified Christian women friends with children say they prefer singleness. I think they are wise to accept and find contentment and happiness in that situation as I will if I find myself single again but "prefer"--not so much.
Uppity Negress,
I can honestly say that I had no preference whether single or married. I have no children which I feel could have changed my view on this. I absolutely enjoy being single. I have lived a wonderful life where I have been able to do things that I wanted to do. The nice thing is that the man I will marry has many of the same goals that I do. Therefore I will be accomplishing the rest of them with him instead of alone. The companionship is what I really enjoy at this time in my life. I was still very content as a single. Neither of us were looking for a relationship. We just happened to start looking at each other with a different pair of eyes and liked what we saw. It has the feel of young love with decades of living experience behind it. For me it is a transition from living a wonderful life unmarried to living a wonderful life as a wife.
I can see your view about singles with children preferring to be single. However I think it depends on what happened in their marriages. I have found that divorced moms and women in general tend to rather stay alone than get into another possible failure. Maybe in a perfect world they would prefer marriage but it appears that their bad experience has really tainted them towards marriage in general. Unfortunately at my age most of the women that I know that are single are divorced. This is what they tell me anyway.
I'm really grateful that I do not have any relationship baggage. I'm sure that my future husband is grateful for that also.
Congratulations on your engagement, Pamela!
Black women need to get off this black-man-only band wagon because, for too many, it obviously is not working. I’m not saying don’t date black men, just expand your options. Single black evangelical Christian women should also be willing to look outside evangelical churches for a husband as there simply aren’t enough guys in our churches (regardless of whether the church is white, black or multi-ethnic).
I hope it’s okay with the blog owner if I post the following:
I have a blog on Interracial Dating, Christian Dating and Spiritual/Emotional Health for Black Women called “For The Sistas.” Please check it out. The blog address is: ForTheSistas (dot) blogspot (dot) com. By the way, the blog also has information on dating men from Europe.
Dear CBW. It's extremely interesting to view your blog. I've long held the belief that ethnicity means nothing in the scheme of things if we possess character and similar views about life, liberty and the pusuit of happiness. I'm a white male and because space is limited here, I would invite you to visit my blog to get a feel for what our relationship as a people and as individuals could really be. I'm an octagenerian and would wish all of you to have as wonderful a marriage as I've enjoyed. My blog, which is fairly new is about us - just decent people who have something positive to say instead of the ceaseless negative rhetoric on display in our contemporary society. Start from the beginning and read through. We could share so much and learn from each other.
http://american-reflections.blogspot.com. If you like what you see, please ask your friends to interact. I would draw your special attention to my article "It's Not All Black and White" dated Friday Jan 23, 2009.
Will
70%...WOW
Think about it...In America the ratio of males to females are about equal. Since blacks are only about 10% of the population that leaves black female with a pool of only 5%. Wow, 5% out of 100....this is not good. Now lets work on the 5%. I can only assume that 1% are married...now we are down to 4%. For the sake of argument we are going to lump the incarcerated, ones not wanting a job, homosexuals, bad character and decency in to one pool at about 1%...now we are down to 3%.
As a black female you have a 3% pool. Someone who you can agree with lovingly...financially...religously...family... and any other kind of LY. Bad behavior should never be tolerated...black, white or blue. In most countries a great majority of people marry up. Why would you date a guy who does not have a job, education, in prison, 4 kids by 5 women (not possible, but you get the message.) If you keep doing the same thing... the result will not change. Black women are wonderful and deserve more...but they must require more. Not ask...not receive, that simple.
I cannot find a nice black woman to give me the time of day. I have a great career, financially in great shape, have a home, love God and family life. I do not smoke, never tried drugs, like koolaid better than beer or wine...hahaha. My pants are where they should be...no hole in the ear or nose...get this! No, No tattoos. Finally I asked a few black ladies why they were so unfriendly to me...get this. You look like the kind that date only white women...Wow! There are some good black men out there...and I hate to say this. Black ladies... they are not like your father who left your mother...in jail, unemployed, thugs and such.
Sad state of affirs black america is in. Sisters need to focus on Christ more and not there careers. By doing that, God Almighty will bring that mate to them at His time. Also, for the brothers stop acting like a feminized man & have true grit about yourselves. As for myself, I am a conserative christian black man who would love to find a conserative black woman here in the DC region that is into conserative politics over the age 38.
I have done a survey of the black women that I know. NONE of them would have voted for obama if he were married to a white woman. What do you think?
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