As my cousin, daughter and I drove to get crabs at "Ruff & Ready" this Sunday our casual conversation turned into a heated debate. As usual I was the odd woman out. My daughter was discussing the fact that one of her very best friends is dating a white boy and I casually made the off the cuff comment that "if she (my daughter) had any sense she would too". I really didn't think I meant it until I was forced to defend why I made such a comment.
Being a mother who wants only the best for her beloved little "mini-me", I want her to date and ultimately marry someone who is going to value her and love her as Christ loved the church. I want her to be with a man who understands the institution of marriage who will put her needs before his own. Now, I certainly do not think that white men corner the market on husbandtry-- but white men generally start looking for a wife in their late 20's to early 30's and that is not generally the case with black men. I have been told by many of my friends and family members that I place far too much emphasis on marriage so my natural conclusion is that we don't really value marriage very much in the black community and therefore we don't encourage or son's or daughter's for that matter to marry. With every fiber of my being I believe that therein lies the problem. It puts us at a natural disadvantage in terms of asset and wealth accumulation because how much more can two people accomplish than one -- TWICE AS MUCH!!!! (Assuming of course that we are talking about two enterprising and productive people). So am I a horrible, bourgeois, elitist because I want my "mini-me" to be loved, covered, valued and appropriately partnered? Or am I just pragmatic to a fault because I'm calling a spade a spade (oops, no pun intended) If she limits her dating pool to men who are more concerned with being "ballers" than with starting a family and building a future with one woman then isn't she setting herself up to be yet another "single, black women" getting things done (albeit quite well) on her own. Why would any mother in her right mind want her daughter to struggle through life alone (Yeah, I know she'll have Jesus -- Don't we all )?
I ultimately did not win this argument with my dear cousin and daughter as I wasn't able to effectively communicate my point with all the screaming going on between us. But hopefully this will all be a moot point because "mini-me" will meet one of those black man who actually wants to take a wife and build a life and legacy together-- but I think chances of that are as good as "mini-me" buying a million dollar lottery ticket. If I'm wrong then why are there so many single black women? By the way, these women are lying if they say they don't need a man. While we may not need a man to take care of us financially or even physically (some of us can do a better job of that ourselves anyway) on an emotional level our deepest human need is to love and be loved in return.